I am one of the fatherless.

Father of the fatherless and protector of widows is God in his holy dwelling place
Psalm 68:5

We don't usually get personal on this blog. I've been praying about this post these last few days. I've been praying because Abide is not about Megan or I.  It's not our stories we're interested in telling in this space. It is about the God we serve and what He is going to do in the lives of families in Uganda. Redemption. Restoration. Beauty from the ashes. That is the God we serve. Humbled by our limitations and thankful we get to see Him show up in big ways for Uganda's poorest and most marginalized. But I feel it important to at least shed some light on why I believe so strongly in Abide and fighting for families to be kept together.

Megan and myself are both 'orphans'. Some of you already know this, some of you may not. We are both half orphans by definition. Megan's Mother died when she was 5 and my Dad died when I was 14. This will be the only time I speak for Megan and myself in this post- Having lost a parent, we understand what that absence feels like. There was and always will be one very important person missing at every significant milestone- College graduation, wedding days, and the birth of grandchildren. We did not however, experience the reality of our family being ripped apart after we were 'orphaned'. Our families stayed together because they were given the chance to. Had we grown up in Uganda, our stories might have looked quite different.

We fight because we believe when God required us to love the orphan and the widow, that He did not mean we should take the orphan away from the widow without first offering to come alongside her so that she might get the chance to keep her child.

When my Dad died people were cooking meals for us non-stop, our house was consistently full of people who loved us in the days and weeks following. Soon enough our house emptied and we were finally left to grieve and try to understand the ugly reality of my Dad's life ending here on earth. Not ugly for him, but pretty stinkin' ugly for us. While money could be no compensation for his passing,  we were very blessed to receive life insurance and social security. We also benefited from free school lunches and CHIP/medicaid. As a single Mother with 4 kids, my Mom would have had an extremely difficult time making ends meet without insurance and government assistance.

This month, March 19th to be exact, is the anniversary of my Father's death. He passed away suddenly of a periodic embolism {a blood clot that traveled from his legs to his lungs after having surgery}.

As many memories fade, what his life and death taught me have only been strengthened through living and working in Uganda. I believe in a God who has perfect plans. A God who works for the good of those who love Him. And sometimes {okay A LOT of the time} He works really ugly things into really good things. The perfect example of Jesus on the cross. The messy example of me- a sinner, saved by grace.

Why am I writing this? You can not understand why I believe in Abide without also understanding that I, as a half-orphan, was given the chance to stay with my Mom. To be raised in my family. This is something I believe every child and family has the right to. Regardless of where you are born, I believe you deserve the chance to grow up in the family God decided to place you with first.

I know this is not always possible. Sometimes parents and extended families are sucky and don't want to keep their kids. But may we not make the mistake in assuming that because a child is abandoned or placed in an orphanage that it MUST mean they are unloved. That we offer family strengthening as an OPTION before removal. As the church, may we begin loving the 'orphan' so much so, that we work with urgency to help keep them in their families.

-Kelsey

What We've Learned Through Resettlement

We've learned to be weary of individuals/organizations that say a child is 'adoptable' because the family is 'too poor'.  

We've learned to challenge our fears and assumptions of families.  To forgive the past and honor the fact that God chose these families for these children. We've seen God do really cool things with second chances.

We've learned  the strength of the extended family in Uganda. We've learned that the absence of Mom and Dad alone does not make a child adoptable.

We've learned that, despite what many will tell you, there are single Fathers here who desire to raise their children.

We've learned a lot about the transformation kids make from institutions to being back home with their families.

We've learned that what we consider a "better life" for a child has compromised our priorities in 'orphan care' here.

We don’t like messy.

We've built hundreds of institutions in this country to remove children from messy families.  I don't believe that this was the intention originally, but that is what is happening.  Most children in orphanages have families, so why do we keep building?

We see it over and over again in the Bible.  God works through brokenness and dysfunction- you know, the ugly, messy stuff.  We serve a God who used prostitutes, tax collectors (think corrupt people who abuse power) and murders to further His kingdom. 

Not us, we run from mess. Like far away.  And we do everything in our power to make sure it doesn’t find us.

Peter is one of my favorite screw ups in the Bible. Man, what a mess.

And still, when Jesus chose His disciples, He chose Peter.  He intentionally chose a man of weak faith.  A man He knew would deny Him. He knew Peter wasn’t going to make things easy, He knew what He was in for.  Jesus wasn’t so focused on Peter’s mess itself.  He was focused on how in and through that mess, His Father would be glorified.

Running from the messy makes sense.  Especially when we don’t know what the outcome will be. Jesus sort of had a one up on us with this didn’t He?  When Jesus took on Peter, He knew it would turn out alright. He knew He would be entrusting Peter as a leader of the early church.

When we work with families here, we don’t know what the outcome will be.  Each family will have unique needs and obstacles they must overcome to make family preservation possible.  We can't expect this to happen without proper supports in place.


An institution must not be viewed as an acceptable or proper support for families.  We can do better than that.  We've just got to be willing to roll up our sleeves.  To get a little messy.

Sometimes we will try and fail. Broken families will not always become strong enough to care for their children properly, regardless of how many services or supports are in place. However, in our experience, this is the exception rather than the norm.

One thing is for certain- in working with vulnerable families, we can expect messy. It takes time. Real relationship building. Discipleship.

If we were around back then, Peter would not have been our first pick to make it on to Jesus' team of 12.  In fact, he might have been one of the last.

Many of these families wouldn't have been our first pick for these children.  But God chose these families for these children.  Should we not be striving to provide a child the chance to grow up in the very family God hand picked for them?

It's been hard to understand why people keep building orphanages here or adopting children from families without offering support.  In the last few weeks I've really been trying to understand our fear of the messy.  Our fear that a child wouldn't have the future we envisioned for them if they grow up in the village.  Our fear of caregivers who were pretty sucky at one point. Our fear of the time it will take to help an entire vulnerable family stay together against the time it takes to simply remove the child from the vulnerable family.

I understand those fears.  I have them too.

We need to challenge them.  We need to challenge them because institutional care does not replace a family. Because God doesn't just love the 'orphan', He loves and desires what is best for the entire family.

-Kelsey

Will Reagan has been playing constantly in our house here these last few weeks.  This song is my prayer for the future families we will serve at Abide. That if we give it to God, love fully, and offer the best services possible- we will see Him make beautiful things out of the messy stuff.

I give it all to you God, 
trusting that you'll make something beautiful out of me